Sorry folks but this recipe isn't a yummy foodie one! I'm just mulling over some things today and reflecting on the vast assortment of scenarios I have been subject to observing. Some from afar; others in my own backyard. All sad, unfortunate, and such prime examples of the consequences experienced after making a single CHOICE. One choice, and an individual has a lifetime of regrets, problems, hang-ups, drama, and heartache enveloping their life forever. This vicious cycle and how it continues to circle around and around creates a deafening roar of sadness and disappointment not only to my ears, but to the ears of innocent children; whose own life, without intervention and firm guidance, will also fall prey to the cycle. And so it roars, creating havoc wherever it goes. Tearing up lives and breaking hearts.
This one choice looks something like this:
A girl...lost and alone in this world, looking for love...follows this disastrous plan.
She finds someone needier than she is. So she can feel like she actually means something to someone. She finds someone who has no self esteem, so she can again, be his saviour. She finds someone who can't stand himself. Then she can be a light unto him and make him believe his sun rises and sets on her. She finds someone who trusts no one. Someone who refuses to be subjected to any authority. Of course, all these traits are just so dashing and charming! Perhaps when you are 16 they are...in a wild and woolly way I assume. Throw anger problems into the mix. That spices things up even more dashingly. He has spunk, he has fight, he is abusive. How wonderful.
So then she jumps in even deeper...she makes a baby with this monster. Maybe that will calm him. Perhaps...he will see this innocent being and it will bring out the good that surely he has deep down inside. She doesn't consider the chance that perhaps this plan won't work. She dives off into the realm of motherhood, hoping beyond hopes this is her answer. It isn't of course. In fact, it's worse now. Add another kid. That will surely help.
Life goes on. Through the years, she continues to bend over backwards hoping her running to his every beck and call that she will someday be his angel of deliverance for his deep and immeasurable character flaws. He was handpicked by her, so she is committed to making this work. No matter the abuse, no matter the hurt, no matter the pain. She would rather live in misery then to admit she made one bad choice. One choice that led to another...and another...and yet another. Pride. It's humiliating to admit you made a bad choice. Forget the humiliation of knowing everyone sees your disheveled and unhappy life. Who cares if everyone knows your children cry at night in misery. Who cares if he even mistreats others outside of the home. Stand by your man. That's the motto.
Then...as her life crumbles and she comes to the realization that she cannot fix him, the next step is to lash out at those around her and blame them for his faults and failures. He blames everyone else, including her. She blames everyone but him. She blames the world on his problems when she was the one who made the one, single, choice.
It happens everyday. And in the field I work in, I am presented with the broken pieces of a life who craves peace. Wants to be rescued. But unless she is willing to admit a wrong choice, back up and fix the brokenness, I am of little value in the equation. I have no magic wand. Do I have God? Yes. Do I have the Word and it's beautiful truths? Yes. Can these things help her? Emphatically YES, but...unless the brokenness is identified and fixed, and the truths in the Word applied, and God made number one in both lives, I cannot help.
How does she fix it? How does he fix it? That is the age old question that not everyone agrees upon the answer to. They both, must first realize there IS a problem. He cannot continue to believe he is not wrong. He must CHOOSE to see his faults and be willing to do whatever it takes to FIX them. It's not impossible. So what if he had a bad childhood. People with WORSE circumstances come forth as gold. There is no excuse. Admit there is a problem, identify the problem, and FIX THE STINKIN' PROBLEM!
What does she do? She must evaluate with an honest heart, whether or not he TRULY admits, identifies, and is FIXING the problem. How can she do this? Through prayer. With divine intervention. With godly counsel.
And most importantly, THEY must PRAY together. This is a must. And if this cannot be done, then IT WILL NOT WORK. I don't care who you are. This is my blog and I will
write what I want. People that PRAY together STAY together. Spirits are unified, bad spirits flee, trust is established, and broken hearts are mended. IF HE REFUSES TO DO THIS THEN THERE IS NO HOPE! You can go to any counsellor you choose, christian, non christian whatever you like, they can try to sort your mess of what you call life out. Hours can be spent trying to tell the full grown two year old how to act in a home. But if Christ isn't in it, IT WILL FAIL.
Please take this to heart...when you are working with teen girls...as difficult as it is to lead them and guide them, PRAY with them, plead the blood of Jesus over them to keep them from falling into this horrific trap. I can't bear to see the pain inflicted on innocent lives due to this nonsense.
There...Relationships 101 by Ms. Kari Morgan Ph.D. in "I've done seen it all"
