Ya know...I used to love hats, as you can see...

As of right now, I still like them but they have definitely a found a different place in my heart/wardrobe. I used to consider them an instant touch of glamour...my cheap shot at looking great without much effort. I still use them for that but its much more begrudgingly now. Its hard to coordinate EVERY outfit with a cute hat...especially maternity clothes. NOW especially "clothes you wear when you can't fit into your pre-prego clothes". It's really quite a challenge!!!
Since some of my friends have been describing their hair loss experiences lately, I thought I would add my story as well.
I want to warn those of you who love and care about me SO much that the truth about my feelings and emotions is difficult for you to bear not to read any further. If you have trouble with these feelings you have my permission to avoid facing these realities without hurting me. I do understand. Hopefully, if you are reading this, you know me well enough to understand I'm not on a pity party...really this is to share my experience WITH my friends who love and care about me not those who are merely curious. Anyway, here goes my first attempt at exposing my feelings beyond day to day living...

I had hair past my waist and had so since a child and short hair had never been "me" much less none at all. I knew the time had come for the hair falling out session. I also knew that I did not want my kids to see it coming out in huge clumps everywhere. I decided it was going to come out all at once-while they were sleeping. I had talked to them about it explaining the fact that Mommy had to take some really strong medicine that had some funny side effects. One of those being losing my hair of course. I told them I would wear lots of cute hats and bandanas and that my hair would grow back soon. They both seemed just fine with the idea...in fact, Chandler still thinks I wear the things to KEEP my hair from falling out...hmmm, I just go along with it!!!So, back to the big night. I told my husband he was going to have to help me and we got started. First he started brushing it all out. Clumps were coming out but we could tell that with all the hair I had and the length that it was we were going to be busy a looooooong time. So, I braided my hair in one big thick braid and I put a rubber band at the top and the bottom then my hubby hacked it off. I couldn't believe it. It felt so awful to have that hacked looking hair to hang down the sides of my face. Then he shaved the rest of my head while my face was buried in my arms and I sobbed and sobbed the whole time. It makes me cry to think back...I had my "warm sleep cap" in my hand for when he was done and I put it on before I would look up at him. I just couldn't bear the thought of him seeing me-I felt so humiliated. He made me though...he kissed me and told me I was cute. He said I looked like a movie star. I bawled even more at the love he was able to pour out on me. He just kept kissing my tears and telling me it was okay, he still loved me. He didn't deserve this to happen to him. I did look up once during the whole deal and saw my beautiful braid laying there and I yelled for him to take it away, that I did not want to sit there staring at it. I think it took me 2-3 weeks before I would even look at myself in the mirror. I know alot of people take this part as a fun sort of adventure and I admire them for that however, that was not how I was able to handle it. My hair had been my identity it seemed for quite a long time. It really made the whole thing so much more of a reality...I would look in the mirror and think,"I really am sick, this really happened to me". The good news is "THIS TOO SHALL PASS...and JOY cometh in the morning" and I knew I wouldn't always be like that.

I honestly looked forward to losing my hair as I anticipated the fun hats and bandanas etc. but I did not anticipate the trauma that I experienced during the process. I'm glad we did it the way we did...Since I had told my children I was going to lose my hair, the next day I had a hat on and I was like,"Hey guys, it happened, okay let's get ready for school!!!"
It was still hard...I felt like everyone would be staring and giving me pity parties and I don't like that sort of attention. Being pregnant at the same time I was so paranoid...felt like I looked like a tick ya know??? I found bucket style hats to be the best cuz they hide the sideburn and upper neck area the best. Of course I ALWAYS wear a bandana UNDER the hats-just in case its a blustery day or my 21 month old tries to yank...wouldn't that be a sight!!! The bandanas help the hats to stay on better anyhow-kind of takes the place of hair with the knot in the back-its kind of like a little bun/ponytail.
Well, now I am nearing the end of my treatments and my hair is already growing back!!! I can see light at the end of the tunnel!!! Right now Ava and I are racing to see who can grow hair the fastest. Hey, maybe by her 1st birthday we can both have pigtails!!!